The Single Black Woman Conundrum pt.1

Conundum-a.Question or problem having only a conjectural answer b.An intricate and difficult problem.

Conjecture- A proposition that is unproven but APPEARS correct and has NOT been disproven.

Scenerio #1 Man of African-American descent works very hard at a chosen craft (business, sports, music, politics, acting), gains a considerable amount of success and status (after paying dues), reaches for and gets brass ring,decides to marry outside his ethnicity and as a parting shot gives an interview about his decision to do so (why???) and decides to list everything that is wrong with African-American women forgetting that he has a mother, sisters, cousins and female friends who have supported him up to this point. Thus giving us the finger (yes, that finger).

Scenerio#2 Writer writes an article charging the Black Church with the “plight” of single black women stating that it is responsible for “keeping them single” News at 11″

Scenerio#3 “National black man back to church movement” is spearheaded. Movement is seemingly “sensitive to the needs of black men” but relaxes God‘s standards to meet this goal (notice I said God’s standards and the church’s, the two aren’t always synonymous). Funny what people do when they lose faith in God.

Scenerio#4 National news network does story about the inability of professional African-American to find quality relationships. Second national news program has panel discussion, brings high African-American male to help address the issue who promptly blames, you guessed it, African-American women (a sistah can’t win for losing).

When I was younger, one of my favorite radio programs to listen to was “The Rest of the Story” by Paul Harvey. The program went a little something like this, Mr.Harvey would present a story or some little known facts about a public figure. After this he would say ” this is Paul Harvey, now for the rest of the story” implying that there was more to the story than what the public was privy (had access) to.Well, I’m Anjanette Potter of AnjanetteSpeak and here’s the rest of the story.

You would have to live under a rock to not have at least have heard snippets of the buzz about the “plight” of single black women in the U.S. I put plight in quotes, not to play down the issue, but to keep from playing up the hype,but, is it all hype? Let’s look a closer at the issue, I don’t have a bunch of numbers to throw at you but I will say this much, book sells on books about marriage and relationships have gone up, especially those that are designed to help women know the inner workings of men. The problem with all this? It portrays women as standing around wringing their hands desperately yelling “whatta we gonna do?” (Gimme a break). Not to say there isn’t some concern on the part of women period ,not just black women, remember what I said earlier about those book sells.

However,I remember hearing a saying about not letting a shopkeeper know you are desperate for his goods because it drives the price up. Well, I believe the shopkeeper smells the desperation because the merchandise (men) keeps driving up its own price. Nothing pumps up an ego quicker than knowing that half the population will now do anything to have you , including lowering its standard for what a decent man is.

I remember being a younger woman back in the 80’s when there was a bunch of hype about a man shortage (white women got to take part in this one, WOW!!!!bet they felt honored ) and we had the same thing back then (a hot mess).

So how do we fix this hot mess? Through honest communication with each side listening to what the other has to say. In AnjanetteSpeak to listen is hear with your heart. God didn’t create man out of his own rib, He created woman. And He created her so the man wouldn’t be alone. So since men can’t marry themselves, it stands to reason that they would listen as well as speak. Don’t get me wrong, some of the best advice I ever got about relationships came from my male friends. However, they never advised as though I was a stereotype. They advised me as though I was a person.

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